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WHAT'S TO NIGHT. 




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A CHANUKKAH FARCE COMEDY IN TWO ACTS. 
By SAMUEL S gROSSMAN 

Copyright hlovemher 1911 




DRAMATIS PERSONAE. 

( Characters in the order in which 
they appear.) 

JuDAH The Oldest Boy, a Poet 

Martha The Oldest Girl 

Gertrude A "Cry-Baby" 

Simon A "Busy Little Man" 

Mrs. Jacoi? Greexp.aum. .Their Mother 

Nora The Irish Hired Girl 

Mr. Jacob Greenbaum. ...Their Father 
Bessie The Youngest of the Family 

PLACE — A room in the Greenbaum 
liome. 

TIME — The Sunday afternoon before 
Chanukkah. 

SYNOPSIS OE CHARACTERS. 

JuDAH. age about 15: a thoughtful 
Ijov. incHned to be poetical ; the oldest of 
the Greenbaum children. 

Martha, age about 13; a neat little 
school girl. 

Gertrude, age about 9 ; always cryhig 
about something or other, until she finds 
out What's Tonight. 

Simon, age about 11 ; a comical little 
fellow, interested in war stories, and al- 
ways pretending to be in a hurry and 
very busy. 

Nora, an Irish servant, with a love for 
Jewish customs and holidays. 

Mr. and Mrs. Greenbaum, parents of 
tl'iese children ; good Jews. 

Bessie, the youngest of the family ; a 
tot of about 6. attending Sunday school 
in the afternoon. 

Scene — A room in the home of the 
Greenbaum family. Entrances at right 
and left, leading to inner room and 
kitchen: at back, center, leading out- 
side. On the stage there is a table, in 
the center: choirs around the table, and 



tzi'o chairs or settees front stage, on each 
side: also ordinary properties, such as 
clock, etc., and near the back center en- 
tiance^a clothes and hat hanger. 

(As the curtain rises Judah is discov- 
ered at a seat by the table. He is read- 
ing zvith great interest a letter in his 
hand.. Martha enters, and quietly takes 
a place behind his chair, u^atching him 
closely as she advances front the right 
ciit ranee.) 
Martha — 

Well, well, Judah, so you are writ- 
ing poetry again ! Just like you ! 
What are you trying to rhyme now? 
Judah (looking up and hiding the letter) 
No, no, Martha, I'm not trying to 
write poetrv at all just now. Here is 
something that is dearer to us than 
all the rhymes I could ever write. 
Martha (catching sight of the paper, jo\- 
fully)— 

Oh, a letter from father I Poor 
father, he is always traveling to other 
cities on business, and is never home, 
except for the Jewish holidays. ■ Let 
me see that letter. What does papa 
write ? 
Judah (takes the letter to himself) — 
No, no ! You must not see it before 
the rest of the children, Martha. This 
is a special note from father to be 
read only when all the children get 
together. 
Martha— 

That's strange. There must be 
something awfully queer in it. for he 
has never written like that before. 
You know, Judah, he usually writes 
only to mother. Do let me see it ! 
Judah — 

I am sorry. The envelope says this 



^A^ HAT'S TO NIGHT. 



is for all of us children, and so you 
will have to wait, that's all! 
Martha (begging) — 

Ah, please, mayn't I see it? The 
rest of the children won't care, any- 
how. 
Judah — 

O yes, Gertrude — 
MartJta— 

Gertrude ! Why, she is a such a cry- 
baby. All she can do is to cry. She 
won't understand what the letter 
means at all. 
Judah — 

But Simon? 
Martha — 

He won't care. He is such a sleepy- 
head about these things. All he knows 
is war stories and Alger books. He 
won't care, I'm sure. 
Judah — 

You mustn't think that way of 
them, Martha, for I'm sure they both 
love papa very much,, and would not 
want to miss a single word of the let- 
ter, whether they understood or not. 
And how about the baby, Bessie? 
Martha — 

Ha, ha ! You don't mean to read it 
to the baby, do you? Why, she is only 
6 years old, and isn't home, anyhow. 
She's in Sunday school this afternoon, 
because she's too small to get up and 
go in the morning. Do let me see the 
letter, won't you, Judah? 
Judah — 

No, Martha, I shan't disobey 
father's instructions. We won't wait 
for the baby, but the rest must hear it. 
Calling ofif the stage and rising) Ger- 
trude ! Simon ! Come on, everybody. 
I have something good here for you ! 
(Meanzvhile puts the letter in his 
pocket. Turning, he sees Martha sob- 
bing. ) 
Martha (sobbing) — 

You're a mean, mean brother, that's 
all. Every book that I have ever read 
that has poets in it says they're all 
nice to their sisters, and you — you 
make up a lot of poetry, and you 
aren't a bit nice to me — you even 
won't let me see the letter, so there! 



Judah (turns to her and pets her) — 

Come, come, Martha!. Don't you 
know I like you very much, as all 
brothers should like their sisters, and 
didn't I even write you a poem for 
your doll when she hurt the sawdust 
in her head? You mustn't tell me to 
do what mamma told me not to do, 
just because I'm your brother, must 
you? 

(Here the voice of Gertrude, crying, 
is heard tvithoiit, and both turn to the 
right, ivherc the sobbing comes from,.) 
Martha — 

No, but why don't you let me see 
the letter? Oh, here comes Gertrude, 
the Cry-Baby herself ! Now you can 
read the letter ! 

(Enter Gertrude. She is sobbing and 
crying in one tone during all of the 
following scenes until otherwise men- 
tioned, zuith her arm over her eyes, 
and her zvhole body convulsed.) 
Gertrude — 

Boo-hoo-hoo-hoo! (Cries as she ad- 
vances slozvly across the stage. Judah 
takes a step' forzvard and attempts to 
soothe her.) 
Judah — 

What's the matter now, Gertrude? 
Gertrude (cries harder zvithout reply- 
ing)— 

Boo-hoo ! 
Martha— 

Oh, she's always crying ! 
Gertrude (same action) — 

Boo-hoo-boo-hoo-boorhoo ! 
Martha (angrily) — 

I wonder if there is anything in all 
the world that would make her stop 
crying. (Judah, in despair, trying to 
calm her, motions to Martha to be 
quiet and sit dozvn by the table. She 
does so zvith an nnzviUing air, zvhile 
Judah and the still-sobbing Gertrude 
zvalk front stage.) 
Judah (petting her) — - 

Come, come, Gertrude, tell your big 
brother what's the matter. Has any- 
one hurt you? 
Gertrude (same crying tone) — 

No-o-oh. Boo-hoo-hoo ! 



WHAT'S TO NIGHT. 



Jiidah — 

Or called you names ? 
Gertrude (same action) — 

No-o-oh, boo-hoo ! 
Jndah (impatiently) — 

Well, what is the matter, then? 
Gertrude (still crying very hard, and 
speaking in a sobbing voice) — 

Boo-hoo — Last S-Sunday I went to 
Sunday school — boo-hoo — and the 
other girls knew their lessons better 
than I did — boo-hoo — 
Jndah — 

Well? 
Gertrude — 

And that — boo-hoo — that's what 
made me cry — boo-hoo. 
Jndah (smiling) — 

Too bad. indeed ! You should have 
done vour work better today ; that's 
all. 
Gertrude (still crying as before) — 

I d-d-did ! This morning I went to 
Sunday school — boo-hoo — and I knew 
my lessons better than they did — boo ! 
Martha — 

Well, that's good! What of that? 
Gertrude — 

And that's what made me cry — boo- 
hoo! 
Jndah (turning to Martha unth a dis- 
gusted air; tJicn speaking to Gertrude, 
whom he leads to the seat at the front 
of the stage) — 

What a silly little girl you are to 
cry over every little thing. But do 
stop sobbing that way (she cries 
harder) and I'll read you a letter. 
Martha (at the table) — 

Guess who it's from : it's really from 
father, from '''New York ! 
Gertrude — 

I do so want to see father ! Boo- 
hoo-hoo-hoo ! 
Judah (seating her) — 

Here, if you'll only sit down and 
keep quiet for five minutes, you'll hear 
from father. (She sits front stage, 
still sobbing, but in a lozvered tone.) 
*NoTE — For New York productions of 
this play the heading of the letter should 
be changed to some other city. 



Gertrude — 

All right, I won't cr> — boo-hoo! 
Jndah — 

Now I'll start! (He takes out the 
letter from his pocket and zvalks over 
to the table. As he is about to start 
Gertrude bursts out crying again.) 
Gertrude — 

Boo-hoo — boo-hoo — boo-hoo ! 
Martha (jumping up from her seat in 
anger) — 

Gertrude ! Didn't you just promise 
not to cry ? 
Gertrude (same action) — 

Boo-hoo — I — just reminded — my- 
self — boo-hoo — 
Martha and Judah (together) — 

W^hat? 
Gertrude — 

Boo-hoo-hoo-hoo — Papa said I 
mustn't cry when he's away — boo-hoo. 
He's so good to me ! Boo-hoo ! 
Judah (7vearily) — 

Then why don't you ever stop? 

(Gertrude is nozv in the seat at the 
front of the stage, left; Martha has 
risen from her position at the left of 
the table and is looking off at the en- 
trance, right center. Judah. at the 
back of the table, is engrossed in a si- 
lent reading of the letter.) 
Martha (looking off through the door at 
the right) — 

Gracious, here comes Simon ! 

(Simon, a little fellow of about ii, 
enters by the door, r. c. He walks 
zvith an air of great dignity, abstracted 
in a large book, zvithout noticing anx- 
one in the room or looking up from his 
reading. . Grossing the stage complete- 
ly in this manner, he passes Gertrude, 
left-front, zvhile Martha and then 
Judah follozn' him zi'ith their exes in 
silent amusement. Gertrude suddenlv 
sobs out loud and Simon, scared, 
looks up from his book and quickly 
hides the volume in back of him in 
great surprise.) 
Simon (gasping) — 

My, but I almost got scared. 
(Turns.) Look at that ! Everybody's 
here, and I didn't know it. (With a 
condescending air) WtW. (Takes up 



W^HAT'S TO NIGHT. 



his book again and opens it.) 
Judah (advancing a fezv steps) — 

That must be an interesting book, I 
suppose ? 
Simon (enthusiastically) — 

This book? Oh, my, it's just great! 
Martha — 

Look, look, Simon actually forgets to 
be absent-minded when he talks about 
his books. See how his eyes are 
sparkling ! 
Simon (quickly) — 

All about heroes and great big wars, 
and magneriferous fightin' ; an' ad- 
ventures, and contests, an' — an' — 
and — 
Judah — 

Take your time when you talk, little 
philosopher! Are you going for a 
train? Sit down, be calm for a few 
minutes, and listen to me. I have 
something very interesting to tell you. 
Martha (motioning Simon to the seat at 
right, front stage, and rapping on the 
table for order) — 

Now, everybody silent. . Here comes 
a surprise ! (Simon seats himself re- 
luctantly as directed, and makes sev- 
eral attempts during the ensuing scene 
to open up his book again.) 
Simon — 

There can't be anything more inter- 
esting than this book. (Tries to read.) 
Gertrude (who has all this time been sit- 
ting zvith her head on her arm, occa- 
sionally sobbing) — 

Boo-hoo! It's a letter from Father, 
from New York ! 
Simon (putting aside book zvith a pom- 
pous, condescending air) — 

From Father ! ■ Why, my father is 
a regular hero himself. Well, Til 
listen for two minutes and a half, if 
it's from father. That's all the time 
T can-spare, bein' a very busy man 
myself ! 
Martha — 

All right, philosopher, pay attention 
if your time is so precious, and don't 
look in that book. All ready? Go 
ahead, Judah ! 
Gertrude (bursting out in tears) — 
Boo-hoo — Fm readv ! 



Simon (taking up his book again) — 

There's just two minutes and twen- 
ty seconds left of my time ! 
Judah — 

Well, now I will start it at last, if 
no one will disturb me any more. This 
letter came last night and mother just 
gave it to me. It is from father. 
Gertrude (bursting out again) — 

Boo-hoo — 
Judah (impatiently) — 

Well, what's the matter now ? 
Gertrude — 

Boo-hoo-hoo — Papa says I shouldn't 
cry when he's away in New York. 
Simon — 

It's a good thing you know that 
much ! Now you have wasted just five 
more seconds. Hurry, Judah, I'm a 
busy man. I have no time. 

(As Judah reads the follozving let- 
ter Martha is seated at the left of the 
table, zvhile Judah stands to the right; 
Gertrude front left; Simon front right, 
sitting.) 

Judah (reads) — 

"New York (till in date). To my 
darling children : Judah, the youthful 
poet ; Martha, my pet ; Gertrude, the 
cheerful little one" — 
Gertrude (crying very hard) — 

I — never cry ! Boo-hoo-hoo ! 
JudaJi — 

"And Simon, my little philoso- 
pher'' — 
Simon (zvith enthusiasm^ szvelling zvith 
pride) — 

Say, isn't father a grand man, and 
a hero, and a — 
Martha (stopping him) — 

You're wasting ten seconds now ! 
Judah — 

"And my dear baby Bessie" — 
Simon (loo-king around the room) — 

Oh, she's in Sunday school. (Mar- 
tha frozvns at him for his interrup- 
tions, and he puts his hands on his 
lips as a silent promise.) 
Judah (continuing to read) — 

"Dear children : I have not been 
home since the last Jewish holidays. 
I shall come home tonight again to 



WHAT'S TO NIGHT. 



see you — 

(Simon dro[<s his book out of great 
joy, jumps up, and tlirozcs his hat in 
the air; Martha claps hands gleefully, 
and Gertrude looks up without cry- 
ing.) 

Simon — 

Hurrah for pap, hurrah for — 
Martha — 

Hurrah — 
Judah — 

Wait, wait, till I finish this. 
(Reads.) "I am very busy, and it is 
hard for me to come home, so I will 
do so on one condition. I have -writ- 
ten to mother not to tell you what is 
the name of the Jewish holiday that 
commences tonight. I am leaving it 
to you, and if you can find out what's 
tonight without being told I will come 
home. H you want to see your father 
find out what's tonight, otherwise I 
can't come home. With best regards 
to all, I am, your loving father, Jacob 
Greenbaum," 

(Pause. Simon, zvith a dejected air, 
cuddles up in his seat. Martha and 
Judah look at each other helplessly. 
Gertrude starts to cry again.) 
Gertrude — 

Boo-hoo-hoo-hoo. 
judah (impatiently) — 

Well, what's the matter? 
Gertrude (same action) — 

I want to know — boo-hoo — what's 
tonight. 
Martha (looking inquiringly at Judah) — 

Well ? 
Judah (looking at Martha) — 

Well ? 
Simon (jumping up impulsivciy) — 

Well, watche know about that ! 
Why don't we all get together, and 
find out? I'm a busy man. I didn't 
have any time to go to Sunday school 
this morning, or I'd know ! 
Martha — 

We're all punished now. This morn- 
ing we all got up so late that no one 
went to Sunday school ; now no one 
knows what's tonight? 



Judah (zvho has mcamvhile read the let- 
ter silently) — 

Here is a postscript. (Reads.) "Dear 
children, none of you must tell the 
other when you have discovered 
what's tonight, but each of you must 
find out for yourselves, and then wait 
till I come home. When I come we 
will all have a little surprise. Your 
father, as before, Jacob Greenbaum." 

Simon {jumpii\g up from his seat) — 
Hurray for our "pap !" Everybody 
that thinks that pop is a hero an' a 
great man, an' a magneriferous man, 
raise hands. (Doing so himself.) 
Mel 

Gertrude (raisi)ig her hand, sobs out) — 
I too! 

Martha (smiling to Judah at Simon's 
enthusiasm) — 

Certainly we all love papa, Simon! 

Simon — 

Well, then, everybody in favor of 
father coming home tonight say I — - 
Me ! 

Gertrude (sobbing), Judah, Martha 
(smiling), all together — 
I! 

Simon (running over to the table) — 
Well, I'm a very busy man, and I 
have no time, so you be the president, 
Judah, and we'll hold a meeting to 
write to father, as follows. {In a hur- 
ried tone, dictates to Judah, zvho, at 
first tries to zvrite, but soon gives it up 
as impossible) "Dear Pop: We, your 
lovin' children, ask and request that 
you come home from New York at 
once, and we'll positively — that means 
for sure, Judah — find out what's to- 
night. Yours respectively, your lovin' 
childrens, Judah. and Gertrude, and 
Martha and Simon Greenbaum." 
(IVith pride) There's the thing! 

Judah (zi'ho has throzcn aside paper as 
Simon dictated at great speed) — 

You foolish boy ! The mails don't 
go on Sunday. How'll papa get our 
letter? 



WHAT'S TO NIGHT. 



Martha (to Simon) — 

That's right, Mr. Wise Man. Now 
what can we do? 
Simon (at a loss, hangs head) — 

Huh ! 
Gertrude (crying again) — 

Boo, hoo, and I didn't see papa so 
long, and I so want him to come home. 
Judah — 

For once in your Hfe you are right 
in crying. (Gloomily) What shall we 
do now ? 
Simon (ivith fresh life) — 

I got an idea — a grand idea, a mag- 
neriferous idea! (They all look up.) 
Doesn't papa write he'll come home 
if we find out what's tonight- 
Jndah — 
Yes ! 
Simon — 

Well, then, all we got to do is— is— 
Judah and Martha (together) — 

What? 
Simon — 

Is, to find out what's tonight ! 
Martha — 

Yes, that is just the question. And 
then how will papa know whether we 
know ? 

Simon — 

O, don't worry about papa. He's 
a great man; he'll find out, all right. 
Now, then, the great question is, 
What's tonight? (Speaking ^uith the 
air of an orator.) 
Judah — 

That's it! What's tonight? 
Martha ( anxiously ) — 

If I only knew what's tonight. 
Simon — 

Don't you know. Judah? What's 
the use of being a poet, anyhow? And 
you, Martha, going to high school, al- 
most, and don't know what's tonight! 
I'm a busy man, an' I have no time, 
but if I were as big as you are — I'd 
know, all right! (Sits dozvn and be- 
gins to read again.) 
Martha (zvalking anxiously about the 
room) — 

It's nearly five o'clock now ; soon it 
will be half-past five, then six — then 
it will get dark — then it will be night. 



and papa may come and find that no 
one of us knows what's tonight ! What 
will papa think of us, when he loves 
us so much, and always wants us to 
be good Jews? 
Gertrude {sobbing) — 

I don't know, either ! Boo-hoo ! 
Judah — 

Well, we must find out, and at once. 
I shall be the first to discover what's 
tonight ! (Sti iking a pose at the door- 
zvay, going out.) 
Let us each our labor start, 

To find what holiday's tonight : 
Let us all from here depart. 

And see tonight who is most bright. 
(Exit, through door at left.) 
S'mon (looks up from his book as Judah 
speaks and follows him zvith liis eyes 
as he leaves; then tiptoes to the door 
mysteriouslv.) 
Martha (zvJio lias gone over to Gertrude, 
front stage) — 

Where are you going that way, 
Simon ? 
Simon (at the door) — 

Sh ! Sh ! Don't stop me, I'm a busy 
man. Judah is a poet, but he won't 
get ahead of me — I'm Sherlock 
Holmes, the detective. (With melo- 
dramatic gesture) I shall come back — 
when I return — I shall return, when 
I know what's tonight! (Exit, on tip- 
toe, through door i.) 
Gertrude (bursts out in tears) — 

Oo, I'm afraid ! 
Martha — 

Of what? 
Gertrude — 

'Cause Simon is a detective ! Boo? 
hoo. 
Martha — 

O, Gertrude, can't you ever stop 
crying? 
Gertrude (zueeping biterly) — 

I'm not crying, and you think I'm 
a cry-baby ! 
Martha (bending over and petting 
her) — 

Do listen to me, Gertrude, dear. 
Judah and Simon have gone out and 
will surely find out what's tonight! 
Do you want them to get ahead of us 



WHAT'S TO NIGHT. 



girls? Papa likes you and me just as 
well as them — Come. (Leading her 
out by door at right.) Soon we'll know 
what's tonight before the boys will ! 
Martha (sobbing) — 

All right ! 
Martha — 

Hurry, someone's coming in! (They 
go off.) 

(Curtain.) 
Note — // so desired, this act and the 
second may be played as one, as the 
action of the play is continuous. 

ACT TWO. 
(Enter Mrs. Greenbamn, reading a let- 
ter. ) 

(Enter Mrs. Greenbaum, reading a let- 
"To my dear wife, Mrs. Anna 
Greenbaum: I have just written to 
the children about my coming home, 
if they can find out what's tonight. 
I want to see that my children shall 
be good Jews, even if I am awa}^ from 
home. Do try to see who will find 

■ out first, and then, perhaps, we shall 
all have a little surprise together, if 
I can possibly manage to come home 
from my office here in New York. 
Your loving husband, Jacob Green- 
baum." What a splendid idea that 
was. Now they have all gone out to 

. w^ork like busy little bees, to find out 
what's tonight. I wonder who will 
find it first! (She- has taken a seat by 
the table xvith her head resting on her 

..hand, sunk in thought.) 

(Enter Nora, the Irish servant, zvith a 
large tray, containing a saucer broken 
into eight pieces. Nora speaks in Irish 
dialect, and zvith a strong accent.) 
Nora (adz^ancing timidly from the center 
entrance, zvith the tray held at the side, 

as though to hide it) — 

Mrs. Greenbaum — Mrs. Greenbaum 
— (raising her voice, still very timidly, 
as Mrs. Greenbamn, back turned, and 
sunk in thought, does not seem to hear 
her.) Mrs. Greenbaum ! (Mrs. Green- 
baum turns, and Nora nervously drops 
the tray of broken dishes.) 
Mrs. Greenbaum (surprised) — 

Nora! Why, what's the matter? 



Nora (looking on the floor) — 

Faith, and Oi knew it would happen ; 
sure and Oi knew I 
Mrs. Greenbaum (rising) — 

Why, Nora, what are you doing 
here this way? Has anything gone 
wrong? 
Nora — 

Wrong? Faith, and it's all wrong! 
Don't you see those broken pieces, 
Mrs. Greenbaum? Them's what's 
wrong ! Sure, and that's right, them's 
what's wrong. 
Airs. Greenbaum — 

I don't understand you, Nora, why 
are you making all this fuss over a 
broken saucer? 
A^ora — 

Faith, I don't know how to start. 
(perplexed) You see, mistress, eh-eh- 
er-er-; Faith, Oi won't start from the 
beginning ; Oi'll start from the middle ! 
(Folding her hands zvith a grand air 
of pride.) How many saucers has 
your Nora ever broken. Mistress 
Greenbaum ? 
Mrs. Greenbaum — 

Why, you have been such a good 
worker, and such a fine girl, you're 
almost part of the family. But I don't 
understand all this ? 
Nora — 

Well, right ye be ! It's many years 
Oi've been with yez here. And Oi 
hate to leave it ! 
Mrs. Greenbaum (au.viously) — 

You surely are not leaving now, 
Nora ? 
A' or 01 — 

There ye be. Mrs. Greenbaum, there 
ye be again ! Why how can Oi, bein' 
part of the family, just like the furni- 
ture and dishes? Why faith, only the 
other day I says to your boy Judah, 
siz Oi: "J'-iclah,"siz Oi.''God bless ye." 
siz Oi, 'Tf I ain't Irish and you," siz 
Oi, "a good Jew's son, but," siz Oi, 
"faith," siz Oi, "Oi say it myself," siz 
Oi, "there's nothing like a Jewish holi- 
day, siz Oi, ''when Mr. Greenbaum is 
home, and everyone o' you children," 
says Oi (Mrs. Greenbaum seats herself 
thoughtfully ; Nora stands and talks 



8 



WHAT'S TO NIGHT. 



zinth great zvarmth.) "is proud o' bav- 
in' been born Jews," siz Oi. "Oi'ni 
a good church woman meself," siz Oi 
to your son, "and Irish," siz Oi, "but 
Oi say," siz Oi, "there's nothing hke 
a Jewish hoHday when Mr. Greenbaum 
is home!" 

Mrs. Greenbaum (smiling) — 

I have always noticed you took great 
interest in our Jewish hoHdays, but I 
see there is something else on your 
mind. What is it, Nora? {Persua- 
sively) Do tell me. 

Nora — 

Well, Oi will tell you. Yez know 
well enough, Mrs. Greenbaum, Oi never 
break a dish in the kitchen, do I ? 

Mrs. Greenbaum — 

Yes, you're a very good girl. Go on. 

Nora — 

But listen, and don't ye laugh, for 
it's true ! Every time I do break a 
dish I know it's a sign. 

Mrs. Greenbaum — 

A sign? Of what? 

Nora — 

Faith, it's a sign a Jewish holiday is 
coming. Faith, and it's true, and 
ye needn't smile like that, either. Every 
time a saucer breaks, in comes Mr. 
Greenbaum, and says, "Nora, get 
everything ready, a Jewish holiday is 
coming." 

Mrs. Greenbaum (smiling) — 
Well, Nora? 

Nora — 

And lately Oi wait, and wait, and 

- nothing happens. Just now, as Oi was 
in the kitchen, the saucer breaks, and 
into eight pieces ! O, you should have 
seen it, and remember. Oi'm not super- 
stitious ! But no Mr. Greenbaum's 
acomin' ! Faith, if there's no Jewish 
holiday acomin' now, what's the use o' 
staying here? It might be the devil 
abreakin' those dishes. 

" Mrs. Greenbaum — 

Well, well, Nora, your saucers are 
Jewish, even if you are Irish! Nora, 
a Jewish holiday is coming tonight, 
and you must see that you're ready for 
it. 
Nora (Jwstily picking up the broken 



pieces and putting them on the tray) — 
And is Mr. Greenbaum coming too? 

Mrs. Greenbaum — 

I don't know. I can't tell. 

Nora (going off in ^'reat glee, sings to 
tune of "Where Is My Wandering 
Boy TonigJit?") 

There will be a hoHday tonight, to- 
night. There will be a Yomtove to- 
night! (Exit merrily singing.) 

{A noise of hurrying feet is heard all 
over the house. Mrs. Greenbaum rises 
and goes to each of the doors, looking 
out, and remains standing, facing the 
doorzvay at the right.) 

Mrs. Greenbaum (smiling) — 

O, my ! Upstairs, downstairs, 
everywhere; the dear little ones are 
running to find out what's tonight, i 
wonder if they have found out al- 
ready ? 

(Enter Judah from left, zvithout notic- 
ing his mother. He advances slozuly 
across the stage, holding a little note- 
book in his hand. Several times he 
takes out a pencil from his pocket, and 
is about to zvrite, but replaces it again 
in disgust. Mrs. Greenbaum turns and 
zvatches him unnoticed.) 

Judah (aside) — 

I guess there is no use trying it. I 
just can't do it. I have just been 
thinking: If I could think of a rhyme 
for tonight's holiday I would be able 
to find out what's tonight. Just my 
luck. Every other occasion I can make 
up verses by the bushel, and now, when 
I must do it, I can't find a rhyme ! 

Mrs. Greenbaum (advancing and putting 
her hand around his shoulder, from in 
back) — 

Judah, my dear boy, what is worry- 
ing you so? 

Judah (putting azvay his pencil and 
paper hastily) — 

I can't tell you ; it's a secret ! 

Mrs. Greenbaum (leading him over to 
the table, zvhere they seat themselves, 
facing each other) — 

Come, come, you are my favorite 
author, you know, and you must tell 
me! You want to know what's to- 
night, don't you ? 



\A^HAT'S TO NIGHT. 



J ltd all — 

Yes, but that isn't the secret that's 
worrying me. You see, mother, be- 
sides wanting to know what's tonight 
I also want to make up a poem about 
it ; the way I have done last holiday, 
remember, mother ? 

Mrs. Grcenhaum — 

Yes. That was a good one. so every- 
body said. And how have you suc- 
ceeded this time? 

Judah — 

Not at all ! You see. in order to 
rhyme a word I have got to know 
what that word is ! 

Mrs. Greenbaiim — 

Well, why don't you find out? 

Judah — 

That's just it, what's tonight? 

Mrs. Greenbaum — 

Oh. that's what your father wants 
you to find out for yourself. 

Judah — 

But how can I ? 

Mrs. Greenbaum — 

I shall give you a little hint. You 
are looking for an English word to 
rhyme with the name of tonight's holi- 
day, aren't you? But when you find 
out the- name, you won't be able to 
find any rhyme for it, anyhow ! So 
now, try to see how quickly you can 
discover it ! 

Judah (going off, resmncs his attempts 
to zvrite) — 

Well, Y\ have to start all over again, 
and find out. Let me see : can it be 
Purim? (Takes out pencil, etc., and 
soon replaces it, despondently.) No: 
"seem" and "beam" rhyme with Purim ! 
Can it be Succoth? No. no. "Boat" 
rhymes with Succoth (same action). 
Mother says there is no English word 
to rhyme wdth tonight's holiday. 
(Stands perplexed at doorivay.) Then 
what's tonight? (E.vit Judah, center 
entrance.) 

Mrs. Greenbaum — 

Can it be possible that some one of 
mv other dear children should have 
gotten ahead of Judah? (Looking 
after him.) He is so bright! 

(Martha enters from door at right and 



softly approaches AJrs. . Greenbaum, 
taking a place behind her chair and 
putting her arms around Mrs. Green- 
baum.) 

Martha — 

O. mother, I am so worried ! I do 
want father to come home, and I can't 
find out what's tonight. Do tell me, 
mother, won't you? 

.1//'^. Greenbaum — 

Ah, my dear ^lartha, your father 
wants 3'ou to find out yourself, you 
know ! 

Martha — 

But I can't, ma. 

Mrs. Greenbaum — 

O yes, you can. Shall I give you 
a little hint? Won't you ask me any 
more questions if I tell you this little 
bit? (Martha nods.) Just this, and 
then run away. 

Martha — 

Ah, please do! 

Mrs. Greenbaum — 

Reckon out how many there are in 
our whole family. 

Martha — 

And how about Nora? 

Mrs. Greenbaum — 

You must count Nora, too. Then 
you w^ill know that there are as many 
days in tonight's holiday as there are 
persons in our family. Now run 
along, no more questions ! 

(Martha rises, and going off, counts on 
her fingers.) 

Martha— 

Papa, and mama, and Judah. and 
Simon, and Gertrude, and the baby, 
and Nora, and myself — that's eight. 
Let me see — Succoth has eight days, 
but then we would have had a Succoth 
built, and besides we just have had 
Succoth a couple of months ago — 
Passover? ! ! No that can't be. either, 
for then we would have had Matzoth 
in the house. What other holiday of 
eight days can it be ? O, my, Fm sure 
the boys know all about this, and I — 
(Pauses, perplexed in doorway, going 
out.) Why. I can't find out what's to- 
night. (Exit Martha, center en- 
trance.) 



10 



WHAT'S TO NIGHT. 



Mrs. Greenbaum — 

Now we'll see whether the girls can 
get ahead of the boys. 
(Enter Simon, from left. He is dragging 
a load of books almost larger than 
himself, piled up high in his arms, up 
to his chin. With an air of great im- 
portance, he throzvs them on the table, 
without at first noticing his mother, 
zvho sits at the right. Simon Jmstily 
turns the books about, opens and closes 
them in a great hurry, and appears to 
be consulting them all at once.) 
Mrs. Greenbaum — 

Goodness, Simon, where did you get 
all those books? What in the world 
are you doing? 
Simon (looks up for a moment, then re- 
sumes his research zvork) — 

Hello, muvver. Didn't know you 
were here. You see, I'm a very busy 
man, and I've got a lot of work to 
do just now, muvver! 
Mrs. Greenbaum — 

But, dear little philosopher, what are 
all those books doing here? 
Simon (creeping on top of a chair and 
lying over the table in an attempt to 
read an extraordinarily large book) — 
These? They're from papa's li- 
brary. These are magneriferous, 
grand encyclopedias. Sh ! I'm looking 
for something! 
Mrs. Greenbaum — 

What is it you are looking for ? 
Simon (looking around stealthily, then 
descending from the chair and ap- 
proaching Mrs. Greenbaum) — 

Sh! Listen! I'm the second Sher- 
lock Holmes, the great detective; and 
I'm ioking for a great mystery. 
Mrs. Greenbaum — 

But what it it? 
Simon — 

I daresn't tell. Only you bein' my 
muvver, I'll tell you ! (In a stage- 
whisper) What's tonight? ! 
Mrs. Greenbaum — 

I knew that was your mystery. But 
I dare not tell you, Simon. 
Simon ( coaxingly ) — 

Ah, mam, please do ! You know 



me, don't you. I'll be good for a week 
if you tell me ! 
Mrs. Greenbaum — 

No, no! I shall just give you a lit- 
tle hint to find out ! 
Simon (zvifh a comic military air, closes 
his large books, salutes, and faces his 

mother) — 
I'm ready. 
Mrs. Greenbaum — 

Tell me, Simon, what are the books 
that you always read? 
Simon ( enthusiastically) — 

Me? Why I like to read all about 
heroes, an' great, big armies, an' bat- 
tles, an' contests, an' great, big mag- 
neriferous doings, an' — 
Mrs. Greenbaum (interrupting him) — 
You seem to be so much interested 
in them ! Of what nation are these 
heroes, Simon? 

Simon — 

What nations ? I don't know ! 
Greek and Roman, an' all the great na- 
tions, I suppose ! 
M rs. G reenbanm ( reproachfully ) — 

Simon ! Don't you know that there 
is a nation that is even greater than 
the Greek and the Roman? 
Simon — 

Is there ? And have they got stories 
of great, big heroes and brave men, 
too? 

Mrs. Greenbaum — 

Why, Simon, the nation I am speak- 
ing of has had the greatest heroes in 
the world's history ! 
Simon (zvarmly)—^ 

My, but I'd like to see one of that 
nation. Is it the Irish? 
Mrs. Greenbaum — 

How silly of you ! Why, Simon, 
you yourself are one of that great 
heroic nation ! 

Simon (swelling up ^vith pride) — 

Am I? What am I? 
Mrs. Greenbaum — 

You are a Jew, Simon, and you must 
never forget it, even for a single mo- 
ment. It is your nation which is the 
greatest that ever lived ! 



WHAT'S TO NIGHT. 



11 



Simon — 

Can I find out about my nation's 
heroes anywhere? 
AJrs. Greenbaiim — 

Yes. Go to Sunday school and 
Hebrew school, and you will learn all 
about your people and their wonder- 
ful history. 
Simon {impulsively) — 

Say, mom, how many times a week 
is Sunday school? I'd like to go every 
day to learn interestin' history. 
Mrs. Grecnlumni — 

And now, Simon, I will tell you just 
this much more, and let you find out 
the rest for yourself ! Tonight's holi- 
day reminds our nation of a great Jew- 
ish hero, that fought for Jewish lib- 
erty, just as Washington fought for 
this country. The name of that hero 
is like that of one of our family. Now, 
think ! 
(Simon gathers his books from the tabic 
and starts going off ivitli the big pile, 
saying as he goes) — 
Simon — 

Well, I'm a very busy man, but I've 
got to find this out, anyhow. Let me 
see : Moses is the hero of Passover — 
I know that. And Mordecai is the 
hero of Purim. O, no, mother told 
me last year that Esther was ! But we 
haven't any Moses, or Esther, or Mor- 
decai in our family! (Pauses, per- 
plexed, in doorway.) So what's to- 
night. 

(Exit Simon, center entrance.) 
Mrs. Greenbaum (looking after Sim- 
on) — 

How glad he ought to be that he is 
a Jew ! But it is growing late, and I 
cannot understand why I have not 
heard from Mr. Greenbaum. (The 
telephone bell is heard.) 
(Enter Nora, hurriedly.) 
A' or a — 

Faith, hurry up. Mrs. Greenbaum. 
Sure and it's your husband ! 
Mrs. Greenbaum (Rising) — 

My husband telephoning ! I won- 
der what it means. (Rushes off). 
Nora (shouting after her) — 

Downstairs, mum, down stairs. 



where the little ones won't hear you ! 
(She starts to clean up the room 
ivith electric energy, humming the 
same tune as before.) Well a holiday 
is a holiday, and Nora won't let this 
place look like every day before Yom- 
tove! No, mum! (Enter Gertrude 
from the right; she ivalks very slowly, 
with a long boo-hoo on her lips, one 
hand covering her face and the other 
carrying a large calendar paper. With- 
out once looking up she sobs her zvay 
across the stage.) 
Nora — 

Plere's something could spoil a 
whole holiday. (Going over to Ger- 
trude and taking her hand away from 
her face) Gertrude, you're not crying, 
are you? (Gertrude is crying harder.) 
Gertrude — 

Boo-hoo — No ! boo-h — What's to- 
night ? 
Nora — 

Don't ye know, child? 
Gertrude — 

No — boo-hoo — 
A' or a — 

Well, I don't mind telling ye. To- 
night, tonight is a holiday! 
.Gertrude — 

Boo-hoo — But I don't know what 
one ! 
A' or a — 

Faith and how will ye find out? 
Gertrude — 

Boo-hoo — I found a calendar. But 
T can't read it ! 
Nora — 

Ah. my girlie, is that all? Well 
(zi'ith a learned air) Oi'll do that little 
thing for ye! Taking up the calen- 
dar and turning it upside dozvn sev- 
eral times) Let muh see! Here's to- 
day's date. And here's something I 
can't read, child. Why don't you read 
it yourself? 
Gertrude — 

I want you to read it — boo-hoo— 
because it's in Hebrew ! 
A'ora — 

Well, Oi'm Irish, but here's a let- 
ter I know. It's the first letter of to- 
night's holiday. You see the reason 



12 



WHAT'S TO NIGHT. 



I know it is because I never could 
pronounce it, though your father, 
Master Greenbaum, always tried to 
show me. It's er — er — Ch — Ch — Ch — 
I can't pronounce it. I can say Rosh 
Hasonoh (pronounce it tvith comic 
Irish accent) or Yom Kippur, but Oi 
can't say this word that has this 
Ch-Ch. Only Jews can say that. 
That's what's tonight, understand? 
{Gertrude has stopped crying during 
this explanation, and is in deep 
thought. Suddenly, for the first time, 
her face changes its expression com- 
pletely, and she smiles. Sudden sun- 
shine seems to take hold of her, and 
she is a bright, cheery girl.) 
Gertrude — 

O Nora, Nora, I know, I know ! 
Now I'll be able to see papa tonight. 
Quick, quick, get me my coat, won't 
you please, with the pocketbook in it. 
{Nora, in amazement, rushes about, 
gets coat, and helps her on.) 
Nora (zvondering) — 

Why, darling, what's come over ye? 
Where be ye going? 
Gertrude {merrily tripping off stage) — 

Now, that's a secret. Do promise 
not to tell anyone that I know what's 
tonight. Promise ! Promise ! Good- 
bye! 

{Gertrude rushes off center en- 
trance, leaving Nora, thunderstruck, 
looking off after her.) 
Nora {gasping) — 

Heavens ! Gertrude has stopped cry- 
ing! 

{Stage Note — This and the follow- 
ing scenes must be played in very fast 
succession so as to give the effect of 
very fast and farcical action.) 

(Judah rushes in, in happy excitc- 
metit, left entrance.) 
Judah — 

Where's my coat here? {Seeing 
Nora, zvho has stood motionless zvith 
surprise all this time) Please, Nora, 
help me, won't you, please? I want 
my sweater, quick ! {Both rush around 
the room in comic haste, finally lo- 
cating the' coat. As Nora, in still 
greater astonishment, helps him on 



zuith it lie feels in his pockets.) This 
coat will be all right, Nora, so long 
as it has my purse. {Going) And, 
Nora, please help «ie, w^on't you? If 
any one of the children comes here 
don't tell them I know what's tonight ! 
{He rushes off center entrance.) 
Nora {looking after him in zvild amaze- 
ment) — 

Well, what in the world's tonight? 

{Martha rushes in merrily, right en- 
trance.) 
Martha — 

O Nora, you're such a good, kind 
helper; get my coat and hat, won't 
you? {Same business of rushing to 
do so. As she is getting her coat on) 
And, O Nora, I'm going to surprise 
everybody — you mustn't tell them I 
know what's tonight, will you? I 
won't be long. (Feeling in her 
, pocket) All right, good-bye! (She 
rushes off center entrance.) 

(Nora, still more astonished, sinks 
dozvn in a chair by the table.) 
Nora — 

First Gertrude, then Judah, then 
Martha, and gracious ! Here's Simon ! 
(Simon rushes in.) 
Simon — 

I'm a very busy man, and I've got 
a lot of work to do, an' I'm in an 
awful magneriferous hurry. You're 
a grand Irish lady, aren't you? Help 
me to get my coat with the pocket 
book I have saved up. (Same busi- 
ness of rushing around.) 
Nora (as she helps him on) — 

For goodness sake, Simon, where 
be ye going? 
Simon (tripping off) — 

Sh ! I'm Sherlock Holmes ! It's a 
secret. Nobody knows what tonight 
is, only I. So don't you tell any- 
body, will you? I'm going out to sur- 
prise you all. Sh ! Don't tell anyone ! 
S'long! (Simon rushes off center en- 
trance.) 
Nora (dazed) — 

Faith, Oi'm so mixed up, Oi'm 
afraid to tell myself! 

(Mrs. Greenbaum rushes in, all hap- 
piness and in a hurry.) 



WHAT'S TO NIGHT. 



13 



Mrs. Crccnbaum — 

Nora, Nora, where are all the chil- 
dren? 

{Nora stands mute: shakes head 
stupidly.) 
Nora (aside) — 

Oi wonder if anyone is crazy? 
Mrs. Greenbaum — 

They were just here, weren't they? 
I must find them! Husband has just 
phoned, and I must tell the children all 
about it ! Do help me find them, 
Nora! [E.vit Mrs. Greenbaum.) 
Nora — 

Oh, ye*, I know where to find them 
— not ! [Rushes off after Mrs. Green- 
bantn. ) 

{Re-enter Judali i^'ith a package. 
He advaiices front stage, left, looking 
at his package delightedly.) 
Jiidah — 

Now, I've gotten ahead of them all ! 
This will convince father that I know 
what's tonight. 

(Enter Martha zvith a package in 
her arm, central entrance. She ad- 
vances to the front of the stage^ right, 
and is so busy taking off her coat and 
hat that she does not notice Judah.) 
Martha — 

Now I will show papa that even if 
I am a girl / know what's tonight bet- 
ter than the boys ! 

(As she finishes this sentence she 
and Judah suddenly turn and notice 
each other, and each quickly hides the 
package in back, while they stare at 
each other in great embarrassment 
from their positions at the right and 
left of the front of the stage.) 
Judah (aside) — 

I wonder if slie knows, too? 
Martha (aside) — 

I wonder if he knows, too? 
(Simon rushes in center entrance 
and, advancing, notices the tivo in 
front. He quickly hides his package 
behind his back.) 
Simon (mid-stage) — 

I wonder if they know, too? (To 
the others) Hello, Judah and Mar- 
tha! (They shift their packages un- 
comfortably in their efforts to hide 



them, as they turn to him.) I am a 
very busy man, you know, but I've 
got a magneriferous surprise ready for 
you. Tonight, tonight (he raises each 
hand alternately as he transfers his 
package from one hand to the other 
in back, and makes an air of an orator, 
with gestures, as lie speaks) I'll make 
you a great, grand, magneriferous 
speech ! 
Judah — 

Remember, if father will come home 
■ you'll have to stop saying "magnerifer- 
ous" so often. 

(Enter Mrs. Greenbaum.) 
Mrs. Greenbaum — 

O my dear children, father just tele- 
phoned a little while ago from the 
railroad depot that he is coming. 
(The bell rings.) There he is now! 
Simon — 

Who, papa? 
Judah — 

Father is coming. 
Martha — 

Oh, let's run to meet him ! 
M rs. Green baum — 

He is here at last ! 

(All rush out by the central en- 
trance. Judah, Martha and Simon, in 
their hurry, drop their packages on 
the floor as they run out helter- 
skelter. Nora enters as soon as thex 
have all left.) 
Nora (advancing from left entrance and 
noticing the bundles on the floor) — 

Faith, here's me working and work- 
ing to clean the house up, and Master 
Greenbaum acomin' from New^ York, 
an' faith if the floor ain't as dir-rty as 
ever from those little mischief makers. 
(She hastily picks up the packages and 
throxvs them on the table.) Here they 
are! (Sounds of greeting, etc., heard 
outside.) 

(Enter Mrs. Greenbaum, Mr. Green- 
baum. Judah. Martha and Simon 
clinging to Mr. Greenbaum, central en- 
trance. All gay and jolly, and all ialk- 
in,i^ at once. Nora stands aside in the 
background.) 
Mr. Greenbaum (as they enter) — 

So happy to see you all ! 



14 



WHAT'S TO NIGHT. 



Mrs. Greenbaum. — 

We have been so anxious. 
Judah — 

So glad you came ! 
Martha— 

O father, dear papa ! 

( They have now advanced to the 
table, front stage. Mrs. Greenbaum 
seats herself on one side, Mr. Green- 
baum on the other side, after putting 
dozvn his baggage, 7vhich Simon im- 
mediately takes up and carries to a 
corner ; then rushes right back. Judah 
has taken a' place standing on one side 
of Mr. Greenbaum's chair and Martha 
on the other side, nearer Mrs. Green- 
baum. Nora takes up the baggage and 
exits by right entrance. Simon, on 
coming up to Mr. Greenbaum's chair, 
offers his hand zvith a grand air.) 
Simon {shaking hands zvith. his father) — 

Delighted, father ! 
Mrs. Greenbaum — 

Well, I'm so glad to see you all, my 
dear wife and children. I have been 
longing to see you since last New 
Year's Day. 
All the Children (together) — 

So were we ! 
Mr. Greenbaum — 

But try as much as I would, I could 
not leave my business there. Tonight 
is a holiday, and I have never missed 
a holiday with you yet, for I know my 
children are good Jews — aren't you? 
(Each feels for his package, zvhich 
has been dropped, and, not, finding it, 
looks around in great perplexity, try- 
ing to find the package. Mr. Green- 
baum does not notice this, but con- 
tinues.) Mother has just told me 
through the phone about everything. 
Now I want to hear from you. Are 
you all well? Judah, those were love- 
ly lines of poetry you sent me by mail 
last month ; Martha, are you still as 
good a girl as you used to be? (Each 
smiles zvhen thus spoken to.) Mother 
says yes! (Mrs. Greenbaum smiles 
and nods.) Nov^^, Simon, how about 
you? 
Simon — 

Me? I just learned a magneriferous 



lot — (catches himself) — I mean a 
zvhole lot — from mother just before. 
Now I'm trying to be a great Jew ! 
(Here he observes his package on the 
table, and during the foUozving each 
cautiously takes it again and puts it in 
his hand in back.) 

Mr. Greenbaum — 

I am very proud of you, children. 
But isn't someone missing? Gertrude 
is not here ! 

Judah (aside) — 

I'm afraid you wouldn't be so proud 
of her if you saw her cry! (Foot- 
steps heard.) 

Mrs. Greenbaum — 

I recognize her footsteps there (To 
Mr. Greenbaum) Yovt mustn't be an- 
gry with her, even if she does cry a 
little ! 

Martha— 

Oh, yes, father. Please don't, be- 
cause she's not really a bad girl. 

Simon (aside, petulantly) — 

Oh, yes, I supose she'll come in and 
spoil the whole party ! There )she 
goes ! 

(All turn their heads in sorrozvful 
expectation. Gertrude rushes in, 
cheerfully, hat and coat on, and a pack- 
age in her hand. Seeing the situation, 
she rushes over to her father and em- 
braces him. Astonishment on all 
sides. ) 

Gertrude (in her father's arms) — 

father. I am so glad to see you. 
Simon (taking a step backzvard in aston- 
ishment) — 

Well, watche know about that ! 
She never even cried ! Isn't that mag- 
neriferous? (Catching himself) Well, 
that is magneriferous! (aside.) 
Mr. Greenbaum — 

Why, my dear little Gertrude, it 
makes me so glad to see you cheerful. 
What could have made you so? 
Gertrude — 

1 am happy since I found out that 
great puzzle you sent us. 

M r. Greenbaum — 

Why, what do you mean? 
All the Children in One Breath — 

Why, what's tonight ? 



WHAT'S TO NIGHT. 



15 



Mr. Greenbaum (laughing) — 

Well, well, that is so. I was so 
overjoyed to find you all nice and 
happy that I forgot all about my let- 
ter. Now we shall see who of my 
children is the brightest Jew ! (Ris- 
ing playfully) Now all of you get in 
line. (They do so, hiding their pack- 
ages behind them.) Everybody that 
know's what's tonight raise the right 
hand ! 

(Each puts up hand, shozving the 
package.) 
Mrs. Greenhaum (at her seat) — 

Wait, wait, Jacob ; you have forgot- 
ten all about the baby — the youngest 
of the family ! 
Mr. Greenbaum (turning) — 

True enough ! Where is the dear 
baby Bessie? 
Bessie's voice from without — 

Hello, mother, I'm here. Where 
are you all? 
Mrs. Greenbaum (calling) — 

Here we are! She is just coming 
back from Sunday school ! 

(Enter, central entrance, Bessie, a 
cute youngster of about six, carrying 
Sunday school books. Seeing her 
father she runs over at once.) 
Bessie — 

Oh, father's here ! Father's here ! 
(He zi'ormly embraces her.) 
Simon — 

Hoorah for the baby ! Hello, Bess ! 
Mr. Greenbaum — 

O my dear little child, where have 
you been ? 
Bessie — 

O papa, I've just been to Sunday 
school, and we had a big entertain- 
ment, an', an' they told us what's to- 
night — 
Mrs. Greenbaum — 

How cute ! 
Mr. Greenbaum — 

Fine. The baby knows, too ! Well, 
what is tonight? 
Bessie — 

A great big man an' lady told us 'at 
tonight — 
Mr. and Mrs. Greenbaum together — 
Yes? 



Bessie — 

Was— 
All together — 

Well? (Dramatic pause.) 
Bessie — 

Oh— I forgot! 

(Little Bessie, embarrassed, runs 
over to Mrs. Greenbaum. All laugh. 
Meanwhile the four children have 
opened the bundles behind their 
backs.) 
Mr. Greenbaum (smiling) — 

Dear, dear ; well, who of you knows 
what's tonight? 
Jvdah — 

I! 
Martha — 

I! 
Gertrude — 

I! 
Simon — 
Me ! 

(All at the same time exhibiting 
their opened packages. Judah has 
Ghan'ukkah candles; Martha an eight- 
branch candlestick ; Simon a book; 
Gertrude a checker box.) 
Bessie — 

Oh, I know, now ; I reminded my- 
self ! Tonight is — 
All the Hve together — 
C-h-a-n-u-k-k-a-h ! 
Mr. and Mrs. Gi'eenbaum (applauding) 

Hurrah ! 
Mr. Greenbaum — 

Fine, my children. I'm proud of 
you ! But how did you find out ? 

Judah — 

Mother told me that tonight's holiday 
has no rhyme for it. So I thought it 
out and found it was Chanukkah ! Then 
I wanted to surprise you and so I ran 
out and bought these candles. 
Mr. Greenbaum — 

Good for you ! 
Bessie — 

O father, tliat which Martha has — 
I know what it is ! It's a "Menorah ;" 
Sunday school teacher says so ! 
Mr. Greenbaum (to Martha) — 
And how did you find out? 
Martha — 

Mother told me tonisjht's holiday 



16 



WHAT'S TO NIGHT. 



was for eight days, so I thought it 
out, and found it was Chanukkah. So 
I got this eight-piece candlestick for 
a present. 

il/r. Greenbaum — 

Splendid! And you, Simon? 

Simon — 

Me ? • I looked in the big encyclo- 
pedias, and I couldn't find it. So mam 
told me the name of tonight's holiday 
hero was a relation of mine. Well, who 
do you think it was? Judah Macca- 
beus, of course! That's just like Judah 
Greenbaum, only not the same second 
name. 

Mrs. Greenbaum — 

And what have you there? 

Simon — 

Soon as I found out, and mam told 
me all about the Jews, I ran out and 
got this Jewish history. Say, it's 
grand, magnerif erous — I mean fine ! 

Gertrude — 

And I, lather, heard Nora trying to 
say the word Chanukkah. It was so 
funny, she couldn't say it. Then I 
made up my mind that I wouldn't cry 
any more if you came home, and 1 
bought these games to play tonight 
after supper. 

Mr. Greenbaum — 

What a change my little contest has 
made here ! Simon will go to Sun- 
day school and Gertrude is going to be 
cheerful, all because they have found 
out what's tonight. 

{Enter Nora from right. Mr. 
Greenbaum shakes hands zvith her.) 

Mr. Greenbaum — 

How are you, Nora? I hope every- 
thing is well with you. By the way, 
Nora, a Jewish holiday is coming to- 
night ; get everything ready ! 

N ora — 

Faith, pleased to see ye back again. 
Master Greenbaum, but ye don't have 
to tell me that. My saucers knew 
when holiday is coming, and every- 
thing is ready now, if Mrs. Green- 
baum has her supper ready. 

■^Mr. Greenbaum — 

Good ! Now it's getting dark, and 
we must light the Chanukkah candles. 



{Judah has been arranging the lights 
and candles, and he now gives it to 
Mr. Greenbaum.) 
Mr. Greenbaum. — 

Now, all listen. I will say the 
prayer. {He recites the Hebrew 
prayer, while all group around him, 
standing, as he lights the candle. If 
the playlet is presented on the last 
Sunday of Chanukkah, Mr. Green- 
baum should allozv each one of the 
eight in the cast to light one of the 
candles, commencing zvith Mrs. Green- 
baum and ending zvith Nora.) 
'^' Judah {taking out a paper from his 
pocket, after the recitation of the 
prayer, and zvhile candles are being 
lighted) — 

Father, I have another surprise. 
Here is a poem I have written for to- 
night as soon as I found out what it 
was. 
Mrs. Greenbaum — 
Read it for us. 
All— 

Ah, yes, Judah ! 
( Judah reads zvhile candles are being 
lighted. When this is finished all take 
seats or stand in attention as he 
reads.) 

I. 
How beautifully burns the Chanukkah 

light, 
As it glows in splendor, clear and 

bright ; 
The tale that is told by the flickering 

flame 
Is the pride of the Jew, and the boast 

of his name. 
So now this story let us hear, 
Its message bears our nation cheer. 

2. 

After the struggle for freedom's 

cause 
Was- won by God's kind aid, 
'Mid victories great for thanks they 

pause, 
"^Note — If so desired, the entire 
lighting of the candles, zvith the verses, 
may be omitted here, and these verses 
for nine children, each reciting one 
and all reciting the last, may be used 
as a separate number. 



WHAT'S TO NIGHT. 



17 



To Him who victories made ; 
And in the temple, praying, find 
A can of oil. of holy kind. 

. . .3- 
The can of oil, in temple placed, 

One day they thought would burn ; 
That day has passed in anxious haste, 

Their steps to temple turn. 
"O God," they cry in great dismay, 
"What shall we do the second day?" 

4.. 
Even the High Priest was amazed : 

The Lord had shown His powers. 

And Him upon their knees they 

praised — 

How high the flame now towers ! 

Two days the lights have burned, and 

now a third ; 
Such great wonder-deeds are yet un- 
heard ! 

5- 
But, burning higher, ever higher. 

The flame lights up the shrine ; 
The very air of sacred fire 

Seems growing more divine. 
So, swiftly pass the days — now four — 
But God's light burns for evermore ! 

6. 
For they had given limb and life, 

And fought o'er field and shore ; 
Like heroes they had won that strife. 

Their Temple to restore. 
And now, though wonderful to say. 
Undying lights burned that fifth day! 

7- 
That Power that caused the wondrous 
thing 
For Jews when they were fighting 
Was acting now, great joys to bring : 

Six days the oil was lighting. 
And joyous freedom all now share, 
While priests work, oil to prepare. 



No priest remembers — no one knows. 

From ancient tale or lore, 
When Jews had ever struck such 
blows 



Their temple to restore. 
And as they watch each brilliant hour 
They praise their God's majestic 
power. 

9. 
So thus the week went quickly round. 

While all the nation wondered ; 
From pot of oil. by pure chance found. 

They filled up half a hundred ; 
Restored the Temple of ,their God, 
And dwelt, free men, on native sod. 

10. 
And now, burn on, O Chanukkah light, 
With flame of glory, clear and bright. 
And tell thy story, with flickering 

flame ; — 
Tis the pride of the Jew, and the boast 
of his name. 
(As Jndah finishes they all. applaud 
him.) 

Mr. Greenbaum — 

And now let us all come inside to 
the dining room, to see what Chanuk- 
kah cheer we will find there. 
Nora (taking the lead, proudlv) — 
Yes, sir; yes, sir! 

{Nora, then Mr. and Mrs. Green- 
baum, zvith Bessie betiveen them, go 
off by the entrance at the left.) 
Jndah (going off with Martha and Ger- 
trude) — 

I have some new surprise for 
Martha — 

A poem? 
Gertrude — 

I will listen to it cheerfully. 
three go off.) 
Simon (looking after them, then taking 
up the Chanukkah lamp and following 
them) — 

Now. we're going to have a splen- 
did — a magneriferous time. I'm a 
busy man^ but Fm going in now — for 
tonight (pausing at doorway, lamp in 
hand) — tonight is r/;a/////^/^ai/?/ (Exit.) 
Curtain. 



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